I don’t think I know anyone who feels comfortable with being sung ‘Happy birthday to you.’ & that dreaded song was even more painfully uncomfortable for me. Because prior to my birthday; on April 23rd,2017 exact, my relationship of four years had ended & then a week later I was unemployed. I was marking the end of being a 25-year-old and entering the beginning of being a 26-year-old on the lowest point in my life. What I didn’t know at the time, but know now was that “Sometimes things fall apart so that better things can fall together.” I came across this deep quote, on one of the motivational pages I follow on Instagram. Although when I came across this quote, during the depths of my depression, I thought it was a load of bollocks. However, not everything you comes across on the internet is bollocks. Because my oh my, did better things start to fall together, I’ll get to that part if you choose to read beyond this introduction.
It’s been a year since my life took what seemed like the biggest U-TURN. & as corny as it may sound, it really was just life’s way of redirecting me towards the right path. Having gone through heartbreak and the downfall of my professional life, was one of the greatest blessings. Not that I particularly take pleasure in bad things happening to me, trust me I really don’t! But going through all of that trauma; retaught and taught me so many lessons. E.g. the continuous aim of self-love, happiness, what I deserve, should strive for and much, much more, that I will later discuss in this segment. Note how I say ‘continuous,’ simply because I’m not here to tell you how everything is magically wonderful and fixed now because it isn't. Although I’m happier and am in a much better place in my life, personally and professionally. I still have my struggles from past and present challenges, but I continue to accept, deal and work with them. Which is what is helping me to continue to sustain that happiness and create a better life. The truth of the matter is, challenges and issues never stop coming your way, but it’s how we react and deal with them that matters.
What? Why, Now?
I often contemplated writing about my breakup and every other shitty thing that followed in the year of 26-year-old Vanessa. I thought to pour my heart out on my blog, would be a method of self-therapy and be a beacon for anyone else out there who is going through a tough time. I remember one of my lecturers saying something across the lines, “if you have a feeling or an idea to document it straight away. That way you capture its true essence.” However, I was too busy documenting my feelings, through a bad diet, Sad FM, romcoms, friends, family and to my pillow.
However, the main reason I didn’t write about this chapter in my life, was because, I was so consumed in ‘what people would think,’ and also I didn’t have the mental strength to do it. And for anyone who knows me personally, I’m an advocate for not caring about ‘what others think of you.’ As I started to finally get my shit together, the thought of writing about this chapter in my life was still itching away at me. & I remembered and was reminded that 'it doesn’t matter what people think, it matters what I think.' & also, what gave me the kick in the arse to finally write about this was realising, as devastating as this moment in my life was, it was also one of the most liberating times in my life.
So here I am, not giving a shit, happier and ready to share this chapter of my life.
A chapter which has taught me so much
A chapter which I hold dear to my heart
A chapter which made me a happier and better person
And the main reason for this chapter…..
A chapter which I hope will be a comfort and guidance to anyone who is going through a similar chapter.
Whatever you may gain from taking the time to read this content, thank you.
I welcome you to read one of the most personal chapters of my life.
& remember whatever challenges you are going through.
‘It never gets worse, it only gets better.’- wise words from my dad, I live by.