Everybody who has ever had or is going through a heartbreak; you’ve most likely had this said to you, “time heals the pain.” When I had that phrase preached at me, all I was thinking was “what a load of bollocks, that is possibly the most useless advice you could give me!” And to everyone, sorry at the time I did think you were talking shit, but thank you, my friends, you were so right.
So, Ladies & Gentlemen, to get over a heartbreak, all you have to do is rely on time. Pretty much wait it out. The End... Oh, if only dealing with the beauty of human emotion was that simple. If it was, we would all be living in such a boring world. Also, our emotions make the best stories!
Which brings me to the very premise of this post, "You can just rely on time to heal the pain, it is important what you do with that time."- wise words from your girl Vanessa. You can’t have one without the other; for instance like salt & pepper, both ingredients commonly used in a recipe to create the right balance of flavour. Too much salt makes the dish hella salty and too much pepper makes the dish sharper than a pencil sharpener, you get my drift?
Time can do so much in healing your broken heart. I couldn't just wait around to feel less agony from my broken heart. Because if I did I would've probably ended up numb from all the pain and I wouldn't be here typing up my experience of heartbreak. I received so much resourceful advice and support, although I couldn't just rely on the advice and support from my loved ones, I and I only had to play the vital component in what I did with that time, whilst my heart was in a million and one-pieces.
What did I do with my time?
Once I reached a stage where I cried less, I began with evaluating my situation, to find some kind of progressive solution. I began with having a real honest talk with myself, I called it 'project me.' I asked myself a lot of questions, I won't be able to enlighten you with all of them, because there was a lot of questions! But I'll let you into the core questions I asked myself when I started to come to my senses. And if you're currently going through a heartbreak, maybe it would be worth asking yourself these questions too...
- Is constantly checking up on my ex on social media & still having he/she on social media healing my heart?
- Is holding onto the thought of me and my ex-getting back one day, healing my heart?
- Is checking to see if my ex messaged me helping me?
- What can I take responsibility for in the relationship?
- What can I learn from this relationship, to prevent myself from making the same mistakes again?
- Was this person really the right person for me?
-Were there red flags I justified?
- What can I start to do now, to move forward with my life?
-What do I want out of my life?
And those questions right there was the very beginning of how my heart started to heal, how I started to heal, in addition to bringing all types of wonderful things into my life. One of the main wonderful things I started to rediscover was my amazing sense of self-worth, for a long time I had always attached my self-worth to someone else and also I hadn't really established what my self-worth was. I took the time to rediscover that self-worth comes from within and also relearnt what my self-worth means to me. And once you start to know your self-worth you will never ever put up with shitty treatment from any type of romantic/non-romantic relationships again. Your self-worth is something no one can ever take away from you. And 'project me' is an ongoing project that is both challenging but so well worth it!
Reverting back to my salt & pepper theory, it was great that I had found balance with what I did with my time, whilst my heart was healing, however, I was struggling with the balance of handling my emotions. And balance is something which is very hard to obtain when you have a broken heart! And for me, it was like a never-ending period! When I wasn’t on my period, it felt like I was still on my period, because my emotions went from one extreme to another! I went from trying to be super positive to then lying in my bed and not wanting to do anything; and for a while, I was stuck in this vicious off-balanced cycle. I started to find balance through more words of wisdom. Something that my Speech therapist said to me, "instead of fighting what your feeling, you've got to feel what you're going through, that way it will pass" And from that point, I found balance by;
1. Accepting that I couldn’t put a time stamp on the healing process as it was delaying the healing even further, I really had to allow myself to grieve it.
2. Being aware that I couldn’t just continue to be in victim mode, it was my responsibility to continue to move forward with my life.
I allowed myself to continue to cry and that was ok, it was necessary. But I also made it a priority to move forward with my life.
And just like with time, in time and what I did with that time, ‘time really did heal the pain.’